Have jokes
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.