Have jokes
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year? They don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
Have you heard of the current event in Africa? It’s called the Hunger Games.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”
Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”