Have jokes

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

What's the difference between a gun and a penis?

The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.

Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

Man: Men have to deal with women.

"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

Why can't orphans have cookies?

They are home made.

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

Why can’t orphans have phones?

Because it has a home button!

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

What do emos and ninjas both have in common? They both hide and cut things.