Have jokes
Like if you wanna have sex.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
What type of cake can orphans not have?
Homemade.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
DAM
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
Having sex while camping is fucking in-tents.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
Why isn’t the word “orphan” spelled with an “f” instead of “ph?” Because that “f” stands for “family,” and the word “orphan” doesn’t have a family.
I have no life, and I have no funny jokes.
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have no one to call "daddy."
Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.
Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.
He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.