Happiness Jokes

Linda

People always ask what the secret of our families happiness is. It is simple really. 1 Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week. 2. We all give each other a hand when needed. Last but not least we play twister.

Sammy69
in Orphan

what do Bob Ross’s painting and the orphanage have in common. They’re both filled with happy little accidents…

Anonymous
in Sand

why was the kinetic sand always happy?

because it was kinetic with its friends!

in Titanic

What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank? The lobsters in the kitchen.

in Depression

Whoever Stole My Anti-Depression Medications I Hope You’re Happy!

NothingToSeeHere21
in Emo

Why did the emo leave the bar?

Because it was happy hour.

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Anonymous

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans. When she gets home his husband puts a blindfold on hair and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes of the blind fold the lady sees 12 people with pegs on there nose singing happy birthday!!!

Anonymous321
in Sister

I went home to & I saw my friend kissing my sister I say what’s going on. They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said alright. The next morning I see my friend kissing my mom I said what going here. They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift I’m your best friend. 2 gift I’m your new brother n law. 3 gift I’m your new stepfather. I felt so happy I had a friend that looking out for me.

*In thick Russian accent Let’s buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid urkrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket

Anonymous
in Depression

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans

Anonymous321

The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then ask him can I have some your burrito he said yeah. I said whatever. A few minutes my mom told me to cut the lawn I said why do I have to do it that why he there for. My mom said he going to do the burrito for me then I said okay. I finish cutting the lawn I wen tin the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom what are you doing my mom said what does it look like. I having my burrito. The landscaper told me that I miss a spot while cutting the lawn.

Waffles^7

Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.” Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.

Abi
in Orphan

What is a orphans favourite game? Happy Family.

Anonymous

Wanna story?

One day, my boyfriend told me he had to go on a buisness trip. He said he wouldn’t be back in two weeks, and his dad would check in on me. I was fine with that, cause’ his dad was really nice, and he used to be a model, so he looked good.

Soo a few days later, his dad came to check in on me. And for the next three days, he’d come, and we’d sit on my couch and watch tv, or we’d go out to In-n-out to eat.

So, on the fifth day, we dicided to drink. And one thing led to another. WARNING GRAPHIC

So we watched Gilmore girls, and we were drunk. It started out as us cuddling, and slurrily flirting, then it was making out. Well, on the ninth day we didn’t drink, but we cuddled, then made out. He put my head on his lap, then bent down and whispered: “I’m going.” I stood up, and he undressed me, and we went. He grabbed my boobs and would kiss them, lick them, and bite them. We gave each other lots of hickeys, and it was great. He told me to suck his dik, and I did.We continued, and finally, we went to my bed, and I laied on his dick the whole night, sucking when he told me.

Sooo when my boyfriend came back, a week later, I was really distant from him. He offered sx the next day, but it wasn’t as great as his dad’s.

Now, after about a month, he said we should have some time alone, like a week. I was soooo happy.

So, I called his dad, and his dad came over, but with a friend. “Hey, this is Danny.” His dad introduced. Danny was nice at first, but then he kept making comments about my boobs. He said he’d like to f them, and I thought he was just being sweet.

But that night, I heard footsteps, and my door opened. My boyfriend, (let’s call him Jake,) Jake’s dad jumped up on my bed, and pinned me down. Both of the men were butt-naked. I was kinda scared as Danny jumped up, with a belt. I was rolled over, and Danny took the belt, and began whipping my butt. He finally stopped, but his shoved his dick in my bhut. I was rolled around, again, and both men humped me. They took turns fuking me, and pushed their dcks in my vagina. Jake’s dad cummed me, and it was suddenly like hell.

So, the next morning, both men were sprawled over me, and I felt sick.

The men woke up, and apologised, but I forgave them. I told them I was in love. So for the next week, the like, lived with me, and payed my rent, if I let them sleep with me everynight.

So, pls don’t call me evil, but I told my bf I wanted to break up w him, and I told him I loved his dad. Jake was heartbroken, but I didn’t care. I decided to date his dad, and his friend, Danny, and we had soo much fun. His dad was shit-rich, and so we went to Guicci, and fancy food places on the normal. I was so happy with the boys.I made love with them, but I didn’t want to get pregnant, us three together was all I wanted.

So, we went to Gucci to get swimsuits, anddddd I saw my ex boyfriend. I was horrified he would see me. I pointed it out to my boyfriends, and they usered my away. “Hailey!” I heard him call, and I stopped.In.My.Tracks. I turned around, and he was only like three feet away from me. He saw me with HIS dad, and looked pretty mad. “Danny, what are u doing?” He asked. And I totally forgot to tell him! I told him I was dating his dad, and Danny, and he looked so angry, like he was going to punch them. “You can’t marry two guys!” He screamed at me. I shook my head. I would only marry one, and date the other! Simple. His dad told him to fuck off, and we left Gucci.

So, a year later I married Jake’s dad, just because he was cuter, and dated Danny. We got looks from people, but I didn’t care, it was wonderful with them. I would sleep in the middle of my bed, and they’d sleep at my sides.

So, a while later, we got a house. Like a freaking huuuge house, we all slept in one room, but there was like six guest bedrooms. Again, danny and Jake’s dad, (srry we’ll call Jake’s dad Bill) Danny and Bill were so rich, so we had like a mansion.

Come for part 2

Anonymous
in Emo

Can emos eat a happy meal or is it a depressed meal

“I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”