Happening jokes

Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?

Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?

"It didn't happen, but it should have."

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

What happens to teeth when they go in water?

Bro, I dunno, they get wet?

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?

It becomes a chestnut.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.

Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?

What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?

He became a navigator.

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.

The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"

"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.

A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"

"Sure," said the little boy.

The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.

"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."

What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?

The tree leaves them hanging.

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

A nut told me to eat him, so I did, but something weird happened. I turned into a nut, and when I poop, there were eggs there.

So dark.

Many jokes about orphans.

God, this is the second worst thing to happen to these orphans!

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.

What's the second worst thing to happen to orphans?

They can't have sex.

"Why?"

Because they don't have anyone to call mommy or daddy.