Happening jokes
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.
The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."
The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."
Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?
The Furred Reich.
There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...
Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?
Here comes the airplane.
9/11 happens the next day.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left there hanging.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.