Happening jokes
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
People who don't have common sense are just stupid people with ugly hearts. STOP HATING PEOPLE YOU NEVER KNOW! Also write "then exit the f word site," and I think we know that won't happen!!!
I L.O.V.E GWEN!!!!!!
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.
Anyone know what happened?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty, what happened to you?
If Red gets voted out, what happened?
Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"
Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"
Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"
Lime, Green, and Purple run.
Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.
Black killed Red. Black is the win.
LOL
What happens to Freedom Towers if they got hit? They stepped in Ground Zero.
The Blonde got a Ph.D.?
Yeah, like that would ever happen.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked. "I'm a Paralympian," he replied. "Boxing?" "No, ... hurdles."
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?
Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.
What happens when you work in the Twin Towers? It connects to airplane WiFi.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
What happens when the Twin Towers breathe? They collapse like an orphan with stage 4 cystic fibrosis who lives in the streets of Africa.
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
1. What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-bony.
2. Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
3. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had nobody to dance with.
4. What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
5. What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai.
6. Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
7. What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
8. Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
9. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
10. How do French skeletons say hello?
“Bone-jour!”
11. What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
12. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
13. What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
“You’re dead to me.”
14. Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
15. Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone.
16. Why did the skeleton start a fight?
Because he had a bone to pick.
17. What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
“Will you marrow me?”
18. When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
19. What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.
20. Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
21. What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
22. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
23. Did you hear about the skeleton who dropped out of medical school?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
24. What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire too long?
He became bone dry.
25. What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
26. What happened to the pirate ship that sank in a sea full of sharks?
It came back with a skeleton crew.
27. What kind of dishes do skeletons serve tea on?
Bone china.
28. What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
29. What does a skeleton fly in if his scare-plane isn’t available?
A skele-copter.
30. What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
“Bone voyage!”
31. What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
32. What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
33. Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
34. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
35. What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
36. What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
37. Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
38. Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
39. What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
“You suck.”
40. Who is the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
41. What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
“Looks like you are running a femur.”
42. What’s a skeleton’s favorite rock band?
The Grateful Dead.
43. What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
44. What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
45. Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
46. What is half the diameter of a skeletal circle?
The radius.
47. Why did the skeleton student stay late at school?
He was boning up for his exam.
48. What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
49. What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
50. What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
51. Why couldn’t the police arrest the skeleton?
They couldn’t pin anything on him.
52. How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
53. What Spanish food do skeletons enjoy most?
Patella.
54. What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
“I’m bone to be wild!”
55. Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
56. What do you call a lie told by a skeleton?
A fibula.
57. What did the skeleton say to his wife?
“I love every bone in your body.”
58. What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
59. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
60. How did skeletons send mail back in the olden days?
The Bony Express.
61. How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
62. What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
63. What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
64. Why do skeletons drink so much milk?
It’s good for the bones!
65. Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
66. Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
67. Why can’t skeletons fly over Area 51?
It’s a no-fly bone.
68. What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow mac
An Irish man walks out of a bar. It can happen.
What happens when the terminator pees?
Gasoline descent.