Happening jokes

Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

I think I found the worst joke in life. For me, it's that I have always been unwanted and alone for my whole life, and I've never even been in a relationship with anyone, and I'm 31 years old, and I also know that deep down, I'm always going to be alone and unhappy. All I get out of life is seeing everyone else with someone and knowing it will never happen for me. I think that's the worst joke I can think of... LIFE.

Still living when you know you'll never find someone to be with.

I apologize with the wording to this; it's another thing I am a failure at.

Feel free to comment.

Hey guys, I just wanna say what happened to Kanye; he is one of my favorite rappers, and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕

I think that Kanye was right to say what he said. I completely support him, and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment, and Yeezy should be sued for it.

Quote of the day: Love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships - Collin Kaepernick

Little Johnny was not paying attention in class, so the teacher told him, "Do you know what happens when you don't pay attention?"

Little Johnny said, "No, what?"

She answered, "The principal's office."

Then little Johnny said, "Hey teach, do you know what it means when you have balls on your chin?"

The teacher answered, "No, what?"

"You have a d!ck in your mouth!"

What happened when Obama ran for president?

The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.

What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"

Stephen Hawking answers.

What happens when a sink on the Titanic overflows?

It sinks it.

What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?

A corn stalk!

A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?

Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.

Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!

Me: You can't kick me out.

Manager: Why not? Huh?

Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.

I love how all these jokes about different accidents have happened, but why isn't anyone writing about how much of an accident we all were?

What happens when you work in the Twin Towers? It connects to airplane WiFi.

Germany does a backflip. America: What is happening?

France: Want a baguette?

USSR: Help!

Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*

God bless the shooting that happened.

What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?

"It didn't happen, but it should have."

So dark.

Many jokes about orphans.

God, this is the second worst thing to happen to these orphans!

What happens when you kick a boy in the balls?

THEY NUTS ARE IN PAIN.

What happened when two invisible giants knocked over their blocks?

9/11.

What happens when the Twin Towers breathe? They collapse like an orphan with stage 4 cystic fibrosis who lives in the streets of Africa.