Happening jokes
What happened to people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki? They swapped races.
USA: "Never forget 9/11."
Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"
Kid: “What happened to Dad?”
Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”
What happens when skeletons score points in a game?
They get a bone-us.
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.
Roses are red, violets are blue, gum makes me beautiful, but what happened to you?
What happens when you kick a boy in the balls?
THEY NUTS ARE IN PAIN.
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
God bless the shooting that happened.
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
This will happen in your future, though, now because you're mean.
Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.
"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"
"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"