HA jokes

The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.

When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.

Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

What do you call a deer that has no eye? No-eye deer!

If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

Ian.

What do you call a toy that has a story?

Toy Story.

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”

“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”

It's sad someone has ligma.

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

Why can't the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he has "no body" to go with!

A little riddle...

Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?

...

Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?

What's red and has 7 dents? Snow White's cherry.