HA jokes

Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.

Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.

When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.

Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.

I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"

What is the name of the political party in the United States that was founded in 1971 and has lost a presidential election since 1972, and is more politically corrupted than the man boy love association of America because it is politically motivated?

Libertarian Party.

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you?

I'm a heterosexual man that is so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library, because it has so many stories.

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

Why can't Sally swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.

Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?

Everywhere.

I made a website for orphans.

It has no home page.

Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.