Guess jokes

I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.

Guess what? It had no home button.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.

Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-

Me: Lower lips.

Friend: I gotta go.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."

The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Guess what, everybody? I'm dumb in math. I'm dumb and stupid at math.

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.

The man asked for some crack.

The woman turned around and said, "Here."

That's where the crack was, you guessed it.

The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

Guess Stephen's batteries died.

Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?

because it was rated RRRRGGGG.

I am guessing you don't understand :(