Guess Jokes

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.

I guess they're whore-ible.

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!

Guess why orphans can't play baseball because they don't know what home is.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

What do you call a stabbed pig?

Porkchopped.

What is a pig's favorite Food Network channel?

Pork Chopped!

Hah, got 'em (I guess)!

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?

B: I don't know.

A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...

B: ...

A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

It is a known fact that you cannot say “harassment” without “her ass.”

I guess you could say, “harassment something.”

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."

Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.

Why do orphans have no sense of humor?

I guess they've never heard a dad joke.

Guess what my plans are for the weekend? Suing the NYCDOE for blocking (probably) WEBTOONS.com.