Growing jokes

Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.

Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."

This joke never gets old. Just like the child.

Bully: Shut up.

Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.

What's bald and can't grow no hair?

A kid with cancer.

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.

Then it hit me.

You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands! (I love this joke because it never grows old.)

What do you call a cow with stuff growing on it? Moscow.

What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?

The slash and burn tactic.

Why did the rapper become a gardener?

Because he wanted to GROW his fan base.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

Jada Smith: Grow some balls!

Me: Grow some hair!

One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.

Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why did the rapper take up gardening?

Because they wanted to GROW their FLOW.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

May our days be abundant, a dance of delight, May I navigate life with courage, taking flight. May our journey be a beauty, a blessing so sweet, May I celebrate friendships, where hearts and souls meet.

May our nights be bright, with laughter and cheer, May we live with love, eliminating every fear. May I grow in kindness, a serenade of grace, May our lives be a marvel, a splendid embrace.

Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.