Growing Jokes

Mom: you need to grow up. your so immature

Me: *glares* get out of my castle ....

Mom: it's a pillow fort

Me: why cant i have an imagination!?

Mom: your almost 19 years old

Me: not good enough ... OUT!

Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?

Why do girls wear classic rock t shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique

jamal- dads CAN grow on trees joseph

joseph- no they dont

jamal- yes they do. ive seen it

joseph- ...... thanks not what you thought it was

Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?

He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂

Why can orphans not grow big and strong because they need a parent to buy them steroids

What kinds of apples grow on trees? -All of them.

Michael proveed anything is possible in America. Where else can a poor black bo grow up to be a rich white woman?

your hairline is so far back that your forehead looks like a growing parasite

If you hate pedophiles, grow up.

why do orphans ecaome criminals when they grow up, because they want to be wanted

Mom can I be a fire fighter when i grow up Mom: oh you wont grow up caillou

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult she had kids. When they were old enough she told them you could be whatever you want...

A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”