Growing jokes

My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.

Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....

Mom: It's a pillow fort.

Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?

Mom: You're almost 19 years old.

Me: Not good enough... OUT!

Michael proved anything is possible in America. Where else can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman?

Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.

So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.

Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

If you hate pedophiles, grow up.

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?

He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

What kinds of apples grow on trees?

All of them.

Your hairline is so far back that your forehead looks like a growing parasite!

Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”

What's the city with the fastest growing population?

Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.