Grooming jokes

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.

I used to hate facial hair,

but then it grew on me.

When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!

I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.

Why did Steward die in the toilet?

He saw his Undercut in the mirror.

What is the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits for a boy to turn twelve before it comes on his face.

What do robots 🤖 shave with?

Laser blades!

I think your hairline might have the hiccups.

Answer to it: You might have to give it a wash in the shower.

You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔

A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”

The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

What do you call a man shopping? A half-grown carton of cheese.

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

Charlen's hairline is sooooo fat because it was never brushed.

Had to go to the barbers just to get your hairline sorted.

ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?

A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.