Grandpa jokes

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

My great grandpa killed Hitler.

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.

Me: Cool, what rank of officer?

Jim: SS.

Me:...

Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.

My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.

Me: *Realizes*

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

Two of my grandpas died in WW2.

Their tower fell over.

I still remember my grandpa's last words.

"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"

My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"

No witnesses.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"

Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"

Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"

Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Grandpa said, "Yes."

Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"