Grandpa jokes

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.

Me: Cool, what rank of officer?

Jim: SS.

Me:...

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.

My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.

Me: *Realizes*

I still remember my grandpa's last words.

"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"

My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"

No witnesses.

Two of my grandpas died in WW2.

Their tower fell over.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"

Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"

Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"

Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Grandpa said, "Yes."

Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."