Grandpa jokes

My Grandpa killed 30 Air Force pilots in WW2. He was a very bad mechanic.

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

I love my grandpa, he killed Hitler.

Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"

My grandfather died at Auschwitz.

Poor fella fell off the guard tower.

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁

In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

What did mum say when grandpa called?

Boomerang.