Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.
Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
Why'd my grandpa fall over?
'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"
Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"
Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"
Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa said, "Yes."
Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.