New Grandpa Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?

To get the ice cream for the grandma.

My great grandpa killed Hitler.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.

My dad was one hell of a pilot.

Grandpa was a hell of a planner.

When you find out your great grandpa killed Hitler

What did mum say when grandpa called?

Boomerang.

I love my grandpa, he killed Hitler

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents' house, and he asked his grandpa, "Can I have a cigarette?" His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "No." "Then that's your answer." A little bit later, Little Johnny asked for a beer. His grandpa said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" He said, "I already said no." "Well, that's your answer." Later, he was complaining to his grandma, and she gave him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Little Johnny said, "Well, can your dick touch your asshole?" His grandpa said, "Well, yes, it can." And Little Johnny said, "Well, go fuck yourself, old man, because these are my cookies."

I'm so proud of my Grandpa. He killed Hitler himself.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.