Good Jokes

My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"

Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!

I made this one up myself just now.

Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

Aren't I beary good?

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.

The image shows a text message exchange. The first message reads: "It's all good sweetheart, you don't have to worry about me." The response asks: "Sweetheart?" Then a message reads: "Is it okay if I call you that?" The answer is: "You can call me anything you like." The final message says: "Okay Optimus Prime."

Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?

Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.

Why don't booties make good drummers?

They can't keep a beat without making a FART NOISE.

God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)

What did the knight say when he went to bed?

"Good Knight!" lul

So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

What is the difference between a human being in the car with the snow and a tree and a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠 was your name on it haha 😂 day a day I was thinking of a good

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he was good at SERVING RHYMES.

What did buttholes say after taking a dump?

Buttholes say what a good diarrhea dump.

Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.

POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.

Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.

Mom, Mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand.

Little Johnny, good! But he's not "bien" yet.

Pedophiles smell good.

Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.

One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"

The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."

After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."

The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"

After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.

The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."

The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."

The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."

The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."

The first kid then says: "I know, right?"

They then begin a snowball fight.

The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"