Good jokes

What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?

My last if she knows what's good for her.

Why don't booties make good drummers?

They can't keep a beat without making a FART NOISE.

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he was good at SERVING RHYMES.

Read the name.

Joke: It felt good going through those Twin Towers!

My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"

Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!

What did the knight say when he went to bed?

"Good Knight!" lul

I made this one up myself just now.

Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.

Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?

Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.

Me: *writes Kahoot about me then finishes.*

Me and friend: *plays Kahoot.*

A question: When is (my name) happy?

Friend: *puts a good answer and gets wrong.*

Answer: Never, only a portion.

Friend: Do you need help?

So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)

What is the difference between a human being in the car with the snow and a tree and a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠 was your name on it haha 😂 day a day I was thinking of a good

Aren't I beary good?

God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!

Why is the Rubik’s cube record holder always American?

Because Americans are really good at separating colors.

Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.

POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.

Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.

I dicked your mom down so good, bitch!

Mom, Mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand.

Little Johnny, good! But he's not "bien" yet.