I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!
What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Remember kids if ur ever mad beat up an orphan what are they gonna do call their mom??
Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
You get PRICKrolled.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.
Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...
