Gonna jokes

Why is emo grass better than normal grass?

Emo grass is gonna cut themself.

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

A guy starts texting a cute girl and asks her to give him her phone number so he can call her. The girl says, "OK, but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number. Then I am gonna be your girlfriend and will meet you somewhere." He transfers her the balance and calls her, but it turns out the girl was actually a guy making him a fool. He blocked him.

The next day, he was very angry about himself being a fool, so he thought he'd do the same. He makes a fake girl account and starts texting with some random guy, and then he asks that guy to send him balance. Suddenly, his father came into his bedroom and asked, "Son, can you send me some balance? I am gonna send you cash after sometime." That guy looks at his father with suspicious eyes, and then he calls that random number. Suddenly his father's phone starts ringing......

Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.

What is the best thing about gay people?

They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!

Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!

Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.

The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"

Don't adopt people, or else your parents are gonna say you're ACTUALLY adopted, k thx. No jokes anymore, bye.

Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."

She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."

Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

Ha ha! Get rickrolled!

I was gonna tell you a pun about a bin but,

bin there, done that.

Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.

What are the first four letters of the alphabet?

Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."

Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"

Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

Next day...

Student: I know the alphabet.

Teacher: OK, go on.

Student: "You need a haircut."

Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?

Student: "Yes! Get in!"

Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?

Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

*In headteacher's office*

Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?

Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

Let's see what the orphans are gonna tell their parents about this: "Hey you buttheads, you stink!"

Looks like they didn't tell their parents.

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

Why is it so easy to roast an orphan?

What are they gonna do, run home and tell their parents?