My pregnate wife said we were gonna name the kid digorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me its not delivery its digiorno.
Friend:Im gonna go ask out my crush Me: fake sneezes* Sry im alergic to bullshit
last night i burned down an orphanage there was one survivor who said i would regret it i said "what are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
One did one male whale say to the other male whale? She's gonna blow!
There were three men in a car, the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes the to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer". The homeless man says"I'm not really homeless" and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, i'm a cop''
Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree and so she could live forever.
But it I'm not gonna lie it was a nice toasty fire...
At work: Hey guys I'm gonna arnold clock out now.
What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf.....s ain't gonna believe this sh.."
If anyone gonn be fuckin my sister it's gonna be ME!
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here i'm gonna rise up on ahead
Guy tells his pal...My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or boy. "Congrats man...what are you gonna name it if it's a boy? .... We're going with Trevor. Ok, what if it's a girl?... then we'll have an abortion.
what does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know its not like they're gonna hear it anyway.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me, because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.
Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...
Ex-Boy-Friend: You have no ass so we're through! Me: Stop being a dick head dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
" I heard a noise in the basement! I'm gonna go to my friends house and play Minecraft with him until the noise I heard goes away." " I heard a noise in the basement. I'm gonna go down there with a bazooka and thirty thousand rounds of pistol ammo and fifty thousand pistols."
Said no horror movie character ever
and also GTA logic
i was gonna tell you a great pun, but its too cheesy
1273 depression got the best of me, i'm gonna cry in my room now
I WAS GONNA CLEAN MY ROOM
BEFORE I GOT HIGH
