Gonna jokes
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why did the liberal cross the road?
(Ah, fuck this shit, I'm gonna kill myself!)
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What is the best thing about gay people?
They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What did the explorer say when he got tired?
I'm gonna take a map.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.