My brother goes into the bar and says bartender give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey. The bartender says that's a lot of alcohol. My brother says celebrating my first blowjob. The bartender said let me buy you a drink. My brother said no this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth.
Guy goes into the gas station says I need a box of rubbers with pesticide. The cashier said pesticide don't you mean spermicide? The guy says no! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week and I am going to kill it.
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming. She leaves a ring around the lake.
Teacher: what comes after C? Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4! Teacher: umm ok... but still what comes after A? Me: AK47!!! Teacher thought: oh hell na Teacher: what comes after x? Me: xplosin 1 sec later bomb goes off idk
What do you call it when an orphan goes to panera bread Panera, My parents are dead
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band
What does Sonic wear when he goes to the beach? A speedo.
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening. "Sure honey! If you suck my dick! So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!" "Oh yeah, I forgot" says the father "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,.....Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
your hairline goes so far back that it looks like will smith slapped it
your hairline goes so far back your dad dint leave
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store The cashier scans there wrist to
what is six inches,goes in your mouth,and it's fun when it vibrates.A TOOTH BRUSH.
what at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth and its more fun if it vibrates ? a toothbrush
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube... priest asks what are you guys doing the boys answer the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on
Beauty is only skin deep ...but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.
