Go jokes

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?

people go there to fix their mistakes.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?

If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

What did Bonnie say to Chica?

"Go kill yourself, dumbass bitch."

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

Why did piglet go to the bathroom?

To search for Poo.

Why did the orphan go to church?

To hear some "foster" parenting advice.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."