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Go jokes

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?

Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

Two whales went to a bar.

The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."

Teacher: What’s 2+2?

Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh

Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.

Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?

Because it was a good source of mussel mass!

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

Joker: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

Person: Because he felt it in his bones?

Joker: He read the weather forecast, you f*cking idiot.

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  • This isn't a joke, just an American back-to-school list.

    1. Pencils

    2. Binders

    3. Paper

    4. Pencil sharpener.

    What, did you think I was going to make a school shooter joke?

    A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

    The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

    The man asks, "Ten what?"

    Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".