Go jokes
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.
You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru!
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
Hey John, how are you going?
Helium, yeah good, what about you?
(Hey Liam)
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
What goes moo? Cow.
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Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sally.
Sally who?
You're going to bed right now.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.