Glass jokes

Cultural misunderstanding

A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He bought a home on a small piece of land.

The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."

"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."

"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"

Math

blach66 · 3 years ago

Hehehe

A glass of a brown liquid on a wooden table. The text overlay on the image says: "My new favourite math sum Coke x Sprite x Fanta = diahharia in a glass."

Peter Griffin

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A digital fanart image of Peter Griffin from the cartoon Family Guy in the style of an anime girl. She has pink hair, a white sweater, and a green skirt with a belt and rabbit buckle. She is wearing a brown beret and glasses, and her skin is pale.

Boy

mariotime · 3 years ago

i'm ugly

A close-up shot of a boy with blue glasses looking into the camera.

Dog

Willy b · 4 months ago

A small white dog wearing a grey hippo-themed hat sits in front of a glass window at a zoo. Behind the glass, two large hippos are in the water. One hippo is staring at the dog, and the other has its mouth wide open, looking surprised. The text above reads "Best selfie ever" with paw and heart emojis. A CocoFun watermark is in the bottom right corner.

Sister

ADDI♥♥ · 3 years ago

ME AND MY SISTER IM ONE IN GLASSES

Two young women, likely sisters, are taking a selfie. Both are making a kissing face. The woman on the right wears sunglasses and a white beanie.

Focus

Shitpost master-general · 8 months ago

An image of basketball star LeBron James looking extremely focused and intense, surrounded by digital flames and sparks. He is holding a basketball. Overlaid text says: "POV: when the choir hit a high note and the glass dildo breaks in my a$$ so I gotta lock in and pretend like nothing happened".

Finger

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a grid of nine photos. The top row shows three photos of a young man's face with a neutral expression. The center photo shows him wearing glasses, and the other two show him without glasses. The second row shows three different close-up views of a hand, with a finger in the center. The third row shows three images of the floor, with a close-up of the hand again in the center square.

Emergency

CrackedRuby_alt · 2 years ago

Welp

A four-panel cartoon shows a pink man with a paper cut on his arm. He looks alarmed. In the next panel he stands next to a box that says "In case of emergency break glass". In the third panel he punches the glass to break it. In the last panel he stands with a heavily bleeding arm next to the broken box.

Guy

RubiksProbablyWasntTaken · 2 years ago

Ok guys so like hear me out.

$A close up image of a shattered glass with a bullet hole in the middle. The glass is heavily cracked with fractures radiating outwards from the center.$

Misinterpretation

Anonymous · 2 years ago

I thought it said holo..

Dog

Random Face · 3 years ago

The glasses tho...

A two-panel image shows a chihuahua looking up with wide eyes and a text that reads, "Mom... can I ask you something without you getting angry???". In the lower panel, a black dog is sitting at a sewing machine wearing glasses and looking very serious.

Water

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image presents two glasses side-by-side. The first glass, labeled 'OPTIMIST', is filled with water to the halfway point and the text below reads, 'THE GLASS IS HALF FULL'. The second glass, labeled 'P|SSIMIST', is filled with a yellow liquid to the halfway point and the text below reads, 'THE GLASS IS PISS'.

Radio

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image displays a text-based meme with various sound effects listed as bullet points, followed by the text 'WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT ROCK, ROCK, AND MORE ROCK'. This is followed by more sound effects and finally, 'THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANNY'S STATION *imagine dragons - radioactive starts playing*'. To the left of this is a grayscale picture of a man with headphones, with the text '64 KB JPG' under it. At the top, the post is marked as 'Anonymous', along with the date '03/29/22(Tue)13:17:38' and a post number.

Crush

Inessa :) · 3 years ago

Me:get glasses me after looking at my crush

An animated pink character with bulging red eyes and smoke coming out of them, with the text "MY EYES" overlaid on the image.

Meal

PurplePanda · 3 years ago

A dog is seen from underneath a glass dining table with hands holding glasses and plates of food visible around the edges.

Memory

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The meme shows a text conversation with the message "brooo. I was looking for my glasses with my glasses on. wtf. where was it?" and an image of a man with white hair from a movie.

Glass memes

Community talk

scooter22

5 months ago

[Intro] Nothing but a new bag, yeah Nothing but a new bag

[Verse 1] Yeah, nothing but a new bag to get in myself Nothing but a new glass to put on my shelf I was too gone to be feeling selfish Fuck changing, no, I can't propel it Waiting on chances to feel open Taking on dances in the moment Chase the recognition, get noticed I give two fucks ’bout the dude who wrote it But I'm all clear in the head for once I'm off… Read more

Anonymous (Original Author)

7 months ago

(As per Cosmo's request)

Jack opened his drying eyes, awoken by a piercing ray of sunlight shining through crooked blinds. A gentle smell wafted in from the corner of what his temporarily blinded eyes knew to be a dilapidated kitchen. It was the one good thing about his life, that smell. He closed his eyes once more and awaited his call.

“Jacky, breakfast time!” beckoned that oh-so-familiar girlish voice. “Oh, sil… Read more

RapBoat

1 year ago

Explain Bear and Corrupt Diss Track: First off, fuck off this site, no one asked for your two man circus of cringe And no one’s impressed by your dime store ideas of relevance Y’all walking red flags with Wi-Fi, always looking for a target Probably because you can’t stand the fact that you’re forgotten This ain't the Hunger Games, and you ain’t fucking President Snow Nobody likes you, fuck your monologues and your ma… Read more

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