Glass jokes
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, "Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!" But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!
Hot pockets AHHHHHHH
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"
I am glass! People see right through me.
What do you call a Downey with glasses?
No, me neither.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.
Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.
Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.
Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."