Glass jokes
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
Why does Hitler need glasses?
Because he could Nazi.
Why do Chinese people need glasses to see better?
All they need to do is open their eyes.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
Dude, all Hitler asked for was a glass of juice, but everyone misheard him.
What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me what you did?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"