Glass jokes
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk.
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?
There were two guys in an asylum. One was named Kenny, and the other was Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny acting like he was packing his bags. The nurse said, “What are you doin', Kenny?” Kenny said, “Going to Florida for the week.” The nurse said, “Alright, see ya when you get back.”
Next day, the nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny lying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. The nurse said, “What are you doing, Kenny?” Kenny said, “I am at the beach.” The nurse said, “Oh, I forgot you're in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back.” Bob's room was across the hall. The nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. The nurse said, “Goddamnit, Bob, what are you doing?” Bob said, “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny's wife right now, he is in Florida for the week.”
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"
What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?
Why does Hitler need glasses?
Because he could Nazi.
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me what you did?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.