Get jokes

What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

Dark humor is like cancer; it's funnier when kids get it.

You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!

Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.

How do you get a clown to stop smiling?

You shoot him in the face.

What's the best part about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.

It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.

Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."

I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?

Logan Paul left him hanging.

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

I asked an emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

My jokes are like kids with cancer; they never get old.

Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there, the doctor asks him, "Do you have cancer?" Pinocchio replies, "That was very straight up, but no, I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer." After saying this, his nose grew.