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Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Friend: Wanna hear a joke?

Other Friend: Sure.

Friend: Pussy.

Other Friend: I don't get it.

Friend: And you never will.

Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.

A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?

A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

Dark humor is like water.

Not everybody gets it.

Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?

Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.

A brunette fought and didn't get raped.

A blonde thought and did get raped.

Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest

Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.

Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?

A: You wave at them.