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How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?

A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.

What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.

A brunette fought and didn't get raped.

A blonde thought and did get raped.

Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?

Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.

Dark humor is like water.

Not everybody gets it.

Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest

Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?

A: You wave at them.

Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.

What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

How do you get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.

A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"