How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
The apples get picked.
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What is the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked!
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me :3
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
