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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.
The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"
The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
Get confused with Confucius!
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
Why did the koala cross the road?
To get to the big tree.
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.