Get jokes

Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...

What time is it when you can drive a house? Time to get a wheelchair.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.

The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.

If this post gets 200 likes or comments, I will show up in a MrBeast video.

What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

Dark humor is like cancer; it's funnier when kids get it.

You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.

What's the best part about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

A block of gold walked into a bar. The bartender said, “AU, get out!”

You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.

It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.