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I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

Why are orphans so good at tennis?

They never get love.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me :3

I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.

Then it hit me.

What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...

What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))

How much work does a skeleton get done?

A SKELE-TON!

Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

Why do gay people like sports?

Because they get to play with balls.

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

Dark jokes are like home. A lot of people don't get it.