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There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

Dark jokes are like home. A lot of people don't get it.

Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?

What do gay people get for Christmas?

Discrimination.

Why do gay people like sports?

Because they get to play with balls.

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Why did the emo cross the road?

To not get to the other side.

What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?

Time to get a new watch.

How to get a girl in three steps:

Step 1: grab a pillow.

Step 2: grab a blanket.

Step 3: keep dreaming.

Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Q. What type of flour do orphans get?

A. Self-raising flour.

Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."