Get jokes
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
Why don’t rappers ever get cold?
Because they have so many fans!
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...
Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
New Windex ad:
You should get Windex for that dirty mind!
Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
Why can't the orphan get the big bag of chips?
Because it's family-size.