Get jokes

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.

1 hour before:

So let me get...

Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!

Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

Apples get picked.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

This is to the girl/boy named Gwen: Are you okay? I see there is a bunch of haters but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T let the haters get to you. I hope you see this and respond and that you are okay. Please Gwen, be honest.

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand store!

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!

Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."

Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?

A. A boner.

Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.

I'll never forget my Grandad's last words... "Son, where did you get a grenade from?!"

Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.

What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.

Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.

If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.