Get jokes
An orphan is at a barbecue and is getting food. A man asks him if he wants steak or phan I ment ham.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
wtf school
Which country can swim?
Finland. Get it? Fin Land?
Why are orphans different from apples?
Apples get picked.
How do you get the emo girl out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
What do you get when you cross a Chinese and an Indian man?
A car thief who can't drive.
What's an upside of being an orphan?
You'll never get grounded again.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?
You’ve got to get more than one down.
POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?
Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?
So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?