A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
What's the worst part of about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car? Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half
Chuck Norris docent get sun burns the sun knows better
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old
Poor kids in American schools they want books, but all they get MAGAZEENS
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Why can't Homosexuals get car insurance?
they've been rear ended too many times.
This one kid i knew had down syndrome and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus? Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂
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So the other day i saw a child in a wheelchair
he was getting bullied alot so i came up
And said why dont you stand up to those bullies
Kid: " Mom I had a scary dream can I come sleep with you and dad " Mom: " sure sweetie sleep in the middle " Kid: " Dad can you get the remote out of my back " Dad: " That isn't the remote "
*Weird background music*
me: *gets down on one knee*
girlfriend: omg, it's finally happening
me: *falls over*
girlfriend: the poison is kicking in
Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated When I told him this, he said, 'Are you kidding me?'.
I said, 'I shit you not.'
what’s the worst song to play infront of a vegetable? “james brown - get on up”
what’s the worst song to play infront of a handicapped kid? “van halen - jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? I can't breathe - Juice Wrld
