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Duck

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."

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  • Suicidal man

    A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

    After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

    After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

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  • Orphan

    An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

    Witch

    Why don’t witches wear underwear?

    To get a better grip on their broom.

    Memes

    Orphanage

    Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

    Tour Guide

    As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

    Orphan

    What school subject does an orphan love?

    PE because they actually get picked.

    Dad

    Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

    They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

    Fortnite

    Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.

    Line

    Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?

    Damage

    If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:

    https://schlechtewitze.com

    Cop

    The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

    Chicken

    Why'd the chicken cross the road?

    A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

    (Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

    A: The chicken.

    Depression

    What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

    A DEPPression.

    (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

    Syndrome

    I have a dog named Syndrome.

    But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"

    Injury

    If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.