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Class

Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."

Duck

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."

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  • Suicidal man

    A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

    After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

    After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

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  • Orphan

    An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

    Memes

    Witch

    Why don’t witches wear underwear?

    To get a better grip on their broom.

    Orphanage

    Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

    Tour Guide

    As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

    Orphan

    What school subject does an orphan love?

    PE because they actually get picked.

    Dad

    Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

    They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

    Fortnite

    Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.

    Line

    Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?

    Damage

    If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:

    https://schlechtewitze.com

    Cop

    The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

    Chicken

    Why'd the chicken cross the road?

    A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

    (Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

    A: The chicken.

    Depression

    What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

    A DEPPression.

    (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

    Syndrome

    I have a dog named Syndrome.

    But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"