Get jokes

How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?

You shove them on!

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.

So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"

The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

Why can’t the orphan get any of the new iPhones?

'Cause none of them have a home button.

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.

What starts with "M" and ends in "arrige" and is a man's favorite thing?

Miscarriage, this joke never gets old, just like the baby.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side and see his friend...

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away!

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken.

Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?

A waist of time.

Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."

This joke never gets old. Just like the child.

You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.

How do you get an emo down from a tree?

Cut the rope!