Get jokes

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?

Go through the dumbbell door.

what's the difference between apples and orphans? ... the apples get picked.

Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

What do bees do when they get married?

They go on a honeymoon.

Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

Why do nuns walk in groups?

So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".

How do you get 1 million followers?

You run through Africa with a bottle of water.

What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

Women.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To finally get his milk.

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?

Both end up getting cut.