What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
what's the difference between apples and orphans? ... the apples get picked.
Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
How do you get 1 million followers?
You run through Africa with a bottle of water.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To finally get his milk.
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
