Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
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I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
How do you get 1 million followers?
You run through Africa with a bottle of water.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To finally get his milk.
Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Just cut the rope.
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
