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What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.

They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!

Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!

Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?

Because it's male bonding.

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.

A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.

The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”

If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.

Biden: *falls over on steps*

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?

what's the difference between apples and orphans? ... the apples get picked.

Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?

Go through the dumbbell door.

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."