Get jokes
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Memes
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they can't get a green card.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.