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Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?

A very pissed duck.

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

My mom told me to get a job, so I did.

One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.

My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.

My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.

But don't worry I think she was just joking.

Why are orphans bad at baseball? They can't get home.

So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."

Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.

NASA is going to probe Uranus, and it might take a while to get there.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress up as the altar boy.

How did the tree get sick?

It got tinsel-itis.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.

Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

Why did the camel cross the road?

Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass.

I have a joke about death.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Think about it :)

What does General Grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?

A fine addition to my erection.

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

What is the difference between an apple spread and an orphan spread?

Apples get picked.