Get

Get jokes

Wheelchair

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

Gay Guy

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

Orphan

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

It can't hit home.

Suicide Squad

Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”

“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”

Memes

Baby

How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Tortilla chips.

Pedophile

Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!

Google

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

Piano

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

Miss Piggy

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.

Jack

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

  • 0
  • Nursery Rhyme

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

    Pedophile

    what did the pedophile say to the kid?

    "Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

  • 1
  • Dog

    I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

    My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

    Orphan

    What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

    Q: An apple gets picked.

    School

    I never get school shooting jokes.

    Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.