Get jokes

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

It can't hit home.

Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”

“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”

How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Tortilla chips.

Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!

I hate it when disabled people get bullied...

... because they can't stand up for themselves.

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.

Why can't Mexicans play Uno?

Because they can't get a green card.

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Q: An apple gets picked.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."