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What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.

That one never gets old, just like the baby.

Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"

Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"

If you are poor, get money.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

"Akeld" sounds like a 56-year-old man just picking on kids for no reason. I say, get a life!

Where do orphans go to get a happy meal?

Orph-Donald's.

This one butt cheek said to the other one, "It's really personal, but it's okay, I'll tell you." It said, "Hey, let's go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint, watch a movie, and go upstairs in the room and get down."

Why do all orphans get iPhone X's?

There isn't a home button.

I don't have a joke about Christianity.

I don't want to get crucified.

Disabled people can help the world to get a printed copy of "Leaning Tower of Pisa," exactly leaned at an angle.

A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."

Who said that?

I took 7 coins from someone. He even came back from the dead to get them.

How do crazy people get through a forest?

They take the psycho-path!

Ur mum geiy 69 dinner 42 es dee get rekt kid 360 quikskope biatch!

When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?

She borrows her husband's last name.

What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

What happened to the glue?

I knew you would get stuck on that!

Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"

I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.

Have you heard of the restaurant Karma?

There is no menu because you only get what you deserve.

A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.