Get jokes
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
What makes you guys high?
I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
Why is a nun called a nun?
'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
What happens when you mess with a farmer? You get the whole ranch.
Communist jokes suck... unless everyone gets them.
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey.
What is the only reason you can hit an orphan and get away with it?
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What did Sally get for Easter?..
Nail polish.
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.