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Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.

My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

Why did the rapper go to school?

To get his degree in FLOW-NOMICS.

Why did the rapper get lost in the music?

Because he couldn't find the beat.

You masturbate...

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.

not a meme

Text reads: "at this moment, my bday is coming up. i was planning on ending everything when my bday comes. nobody will change my mind. ive been waiting for 4 years to finally end it all. im turning 16. i just wanna say thank you everyone who stayed with me even if it was just a few weeks or a month or more for other ppl. i just wanna thank you for everything you guys did for me. i just couldn't just abandon what ive been waiting for. ive been waiting for 4 years to finally be able to do it. i waited bc i want to see if i changed my mind. but no, its still the same thing nothing changed. i want to say goodbye for everyone here bc this might be the last time ill be online on boredpanda bc i have to get ready for the day to come. Thank you everyone, i love you guys"

Q. What's funnier than an AISH worker getting raped?

A. An AISH worker getting gang raped.

Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?

A. They call an AmBOOlance.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

A famous celebrity admitted that she was non-straight, suffered from a rare condition that changed the colour of her skin, did not age well, only wanted to be compensated for her work in the 5th month of each year at her favourite store while laying down:

TO GET FAYE'S WAY, PAY GRAY, GRAY, GAY FAYE WRAY IN MAY AND LAY HER DOWN AT "THE BAY". OK!!!

Hello everyone, I am famous YouTuber MrBeast. I have an announcement to make on this website: Whoever gets the 1000th comment on the post I link below will get 1 thousand dollars, from me! We're almost there, get commenting guys!

https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/603e8cd3eccd25122cb21897/guys-lets-make-this-post-have-the-most-comments-on-the-whole-website

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

They ordered Domino's and got "gets".

Why did the sperm cross the road? To get to the vagina!

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.