Get jokes
"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"
"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."
"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."
I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
Spongebob: Easy now, you try first. Get a jar.
Patrick: *picks up nuke*
Spongebob: Patrick, that's a nuke!
Patrick: Yes.
Nuke: *boom*
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they will never get home.
Why did the Russian cross the road?
To get to the other side.
HOLY CRAP!!!
Crap with holes in it.
Get it? HOLE - Y?
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
He didn’t, there was no lift...!
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
Why did the camel cross the road?
Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass.
Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.
What time is it when you get home and you can't walk?
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"
What did the people who cracked the Liberty Bell get for breaking it?
The no-bell prize.
How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.
Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brother's room and catches him watching something, so he asks, "What you watching?" His brother replies, "Nothing," and drops his phone. But then he gets a text from his teacher, who texted him a picture of her naked, saying, "After school come fuck me." So Johnny looks and says, "Ew, I'm telling Mom," and he ran with his brother's phone and showed his mom, and his mom said, "Ok, Johnny, I'll take care of you brother," and she told him to leave, and he did.
And his brother ran in his mom's room naked, and his mom said, "Oh, that's big. How about you do what your teacher told you to do to her, to me?" And a few hours later, Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room, so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex, so he closed the door and walked away.