Get jokes
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.
I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.
What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.
Are you a bullet?
*gets shot*
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
This black dude goes up to an Indian guy and says, "What up brotha?"
The Indian guy gets offended and says, "We are not the same."
The black guy then pulls out a gun, and the Indian guy says, "Ok brother, ok brother, we are the same, we are the same."
Do the voice in your head.
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get DE-GREEZ.
Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?
Why don’t rappers ever get cold?
Because they have so many fans!