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Why does an orphan play soccer?

Because it's the only love they get.

Us three get along well. I guess you could say we're the TREE-o!

My name is Devonair.

When I get a haircut, it's always bald.

Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."

My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*

I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.

My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.

What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?

Drumsticks for everyone!

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

Q: What do you get from a two-legged cow? A: Lean beef.

I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

What does the ocean do to its friends? It waves. (*Sorry, I wasn’t making any jokes for a while. I was getting sick of this thing.*)

If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

Where would Batman get his freak on at? The Batcave or the bat strip club?

Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.