Get jokes
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
Yo mama is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice to get her out of existence.
Why can't orphans get a home run?
Because they have no home to run to.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
What's funny about sex? I don't get it.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?
A. They never get old.
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
Akeld: Do you think I should get an edges or a tapeline?
Me: Why not make both of them there? They're both messed up anyway.