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What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
How are orphans and apples different?
One gets picked.
What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?
Pizza deliveries get their orders right.
The glasses tho...
I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Have you ever had duck sausage? No? How about you duck on down and get yourself some!
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.
What disease do you get from eating fish?
Salmonella!
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.