Get jokes

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because there's no home.

What is the difference between an apple tray and an orphan? The apples get picked.

Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

Yo momma so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down!

Biden... get it?

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

Why did the emo kid cross the road? To get a box of tissues!

Why does a deaf kid always like football? He gets signed.

Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"

What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?

One gets picked.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can never get a home run. 😭

What's between an orphan and an apple tray?

The apples get picked.

What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?

Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.

Q: When a chip gets popped, what happens to it?

A: It gets pooped out of the bag.

Can emo kids get a happy birthday?

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex!

Dad: We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.

You're so black, when you get near the sun, we go into a solar eclipse.