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What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school?
Hi.
What did the orphan say to the other?
"Robin, get the Batmobile!"
What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
What were the candles doing at a birthday party?
Getting lit.
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
Dark humor is like food:
Not everyone gets it.
Or a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.
I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.
I apologize for my grammar.
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.
The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
A man was taking a young child into the woods.
The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."
The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."
This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
What do you call the middle of a penny?
A center (get it? Cent-er).
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.