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Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.
He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.
He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.
Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"
The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
What do dark humor and food have in common?
Some get it, some don't.
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
Yo momma is so ugly, she gets rejected by dead people.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
what did the pedophile say to the kid?
"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold? A: It’s always 90 degrees.
Dark humor is just like water,
some people get it, some people don't.
Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.
What did the dad say to the kid?
Nothing, he went to get the milk.
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
Flat girls be like, "I will have breasts in the future." This is to all the flat girls: you will never get it.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.