Get jokes

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.

Why do women get periods?

Just cancel the subscription.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.

Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?

Zeedonk.

When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!

I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.

Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.