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I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?
They need parental permission.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
Girl: Dad, where are you?
Dad: I went to go get milk.
Girl: But we have milk.
Dad: I know, I just don't love you.
So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.
Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?
Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
What did the purple grape say to the green grape? "Breathe, you idiot, breathe!"
Get it?
Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.