Get jokes
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?
Zeedonk.
When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!
Memes
I'd make a joke about Noble Gases, but I probably wouldn't get much of a reaction.
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
What did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. 😂😂😂
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
Yo mama is so ugly, when she got raped, the rapist was the one getting PTSD!
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Waluigi gets his Walu-weenie stuck in a vending machine!
Yo momma's so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!