Get jokes

Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)

What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.

Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?

HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?

They both get really high.

How do you get a monkey off the wall?

You jerk him off!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

The term "every 60 seconds" is so stupid.

You know Africans don’t get seconds.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.

Did you get seafood without me?